yesterday has to be one of the worst days ever…im still upset…cant seem to get him out of my head..my friend zeeshan..around a year ago,*the 18th* while waiting at the airport for my dastardly flight, him and i were on the phone…flirting as always..making plans to meet up in the new year…making secret plans about how we would surprise sarah and get him to call her out of the blue when i stay over…he’d even got the international dialing activated on his cell…he coudnt wait for me to get there and tell him all about how saudi has changed….and then i had to get off the fone…so we said our *buh bye*s and *i love u*s and *take care*s…his *keep smiling* and my *dont get high/drunk!*….
well yesterday last year, *22nd* i found out that he had a massive accident in lahore…he was driving on the canal…he’s not a rash driver…it was really foggy and some rickshaw came out of nowhere…he tried to avoid it,went into a tree and the car went into the canal…he died on the spot..*cries*..u have no idea as to how much this shocked me….one year on…im still in denial…i cant believe that one of my dearest,bestest friends has passed away…its this deep lingering pain…suddenly everything else seems so immaterial…
i dont noe if anyones been told the zeeshan story..so im going to do that now…sort of an obituary to the jaan who’s no more….
him and i were on the same schoolbus..never got along till 7th grade..i thought he was a very bad guy..leechar type..primarily cz he had this leechar friend who used to hang around my locker and wouldnt let me open it…attention seeking obviously…neway..i didnt talk to zeeshan cz he was friends with this leechar masroor…but thats besides the point…
somehow we just hit it off…his best friend was completely fida on my best friend sarah..n technically zeeshan and i started talking cz sarah and adnan did not have the guts to talk to each other..hehe…there was this senior on my bus…like a couple of years older than us..salwa..and i got to be really good friends with her…zeeshan and her had always been friends..so when i started spending time with salwa i automatically started spending more time with zeeshan..and thats when i figured out that he wasnt all that bad a guy…the three of us used to do the craziest things…this one time we were all going to school and salwa baji felt like having some beer…so we stopped the schoolbus full of children in front of this supermarket *safeway* and in marched the 3 of us..me, zeeshan and salwa baji…ran to the end of the store ..cz thats where the refrigerators were…found the non-alcoholic beer..argued about whether strawberry would be better than lemon..ran back to the checkout counters…*in our abayas..giggling our heads off*..paid and saw that our bus wasnt there..apparently it had ditched us…but then it came around the corner…it was the driver’s idea to give us a bit of a scare..we got yelled at by the rest of the bus…ke hum unhe school ke liye late karware hain *we’re making them late for school* and all…but anyway..it was an adventure in every sense of the word for a 13 yr old 
miss him so much suddenly…dont want to smile…neway…to continue my story…
*sighs*
zeeshan was my first *phone-guy*..as in i had always had looong pointless conversations on the phone with girls..but zeeshan was my first guy…i used to wake up in the morning..go into the bus and say hello to him…when we got to school zeeshan and i would go to our lockers together…his locker was a little on the other side..but he’d still drop me off at my locker and then go to his…the funny thing is that zeeshan and i were *never* in the same class..all thru school we were in different classes..except this 3rd grade urdu class now that i recall..but neway..we used to have 5 minute breaks between each class so that we could go get our books from our lockers…and i always used to find zeeshan there waiting for me…:D..he was such a jaan..everyone thought that we were going out…but we kept telling them..we’re just friends!
…my girlfriends..hira and sarah..used to get real jealous and annoyed..they were like if he’s your friend and we’re your freinds too then why is that you spend more time with him than you do with us….see..the 2 of them never got along till much later…that is, hira and sarah and zeeshan never saw eye to eye till much much later…coming back to the story…after school we’d all go home together…i’d get home 10 minutes before him…and as soon as he got home..he would give me a call..my parents were sick of it..ke yeh tum dono kya har waqt phone pe lagey hotay ho…neway…we’d talk for hours and hours about absolutely anything and everything…were really close…all of my girlfriends thought that he would ask me out soon…cz according to them he was really into me…and i just used to say oh whtever…cz i never really did see him as anything other than a friend…
and then i helped him ask out this girl he was interested in at school..they started going out and then suddenly this girl had issues with me…she went like..if you’re going out with me..then why is it that you spend more time with her (phone/otherwise)…he had a fight of sorts with her..and i knocked some sense into him…ke sahi tho keh rahi hai *telling him “she’s right!”*….and he was like ke yeh samajhti kyu nahi hai *why doesnt she understand*..we’re friends..ur my best friend…i wdnt give up my best friend for anyone….so then the female who just happened to be in my class started geting bitchy…she used to steal my assignments off the teacher’s desk and trash them…so suddenly i started getting bad grades…but then hira got her and told her to quit it…so that was resolved…
it was funny..me zeeshan and beenish (his girlfriend)..on valentines day he gave both of us flowers and that just pissed beenish off…the story was that he was in a cash crunch at the time..but he wanted to make his mark…so he got a bouquet..and told us to share it…hehe…eighth graders!! i ended up giving it to beenish, cz she had more of a right to it than i did…come to think of it the first valentine’s day roses i got (white and red..in purple gauze,white ribbons) were from zeeshan..n now he’s no more…dammit..
anyway…point being that zeeshan and i were always the best of friends..he moved to canada and i changed schools..kinda lost touch…emails tho thay but not all that regular…he moved to canada..n then moved back to lahore…got really involved with this chick hajra…who said that you have to get good grades if you want to marry me..he was so crazy that he said i’ll get good grades for you….then she said i want a foreign graduation..poor thing went to australia for her..hated it there…was away from family and friends…loved lahore and anywhere else in the world just could not match up to lahore…while he was there he got into drugs and drinking and all…scared me out of my wits…didnt want him wrecking himself like that..anyway..the biatch dumped him for another rich guy…so he abandoned his degree and came back to lahore…and basically bummed around for a year…this was when i came to pakistan..he’s such a jaan..used to call me up every week or so…and we used to talk for hours and hours…just like it was before…him and i going on abt *the lack of* our love lives…and then how he wanted to come down to karachi just to see me..so that we could *chilll*…and how he used to get really annoyed that i would come to lahore but never go partying with him…he was my party animal..the jaan who didnt have a care in the world..n who would do anything for me…we were all set to get married..lolz…he sed that if u dont find anyone else hon..im right here waiting for you…agar tu aa ke kahegi ke mujhse shaadi kar lo tho main apne ghar waalon/beewi ko chor ke tujhse shadi karoonga..its the kind of love thats unconditional…between friends..
..i cant even type further..it just hurts too much…he was such a great guy…he was such a good friend…oh god…at least he didnt die painfully..it was pretty much instantaneous….i hope he goes to heaven…cz thats where he honestly belongs…uff jahan jaata tha 2-4 larkiyon ko phasa leta tha..phir mujhe call karta tha..batata tha aur kehta sab achchi hai…magar teri jesi ho to baat banegi naaa…
ab naa baatein banengi na kuch..zeeshan is no more…NO MORE…uff that hurts too much…it honestly hurts….
…oh god..why zeeshan….
im sorry i had to put you thru this…but it honestly hurts that much…he died on the 22nd…n thats when a little bit of me died..and i dont think any amount of mourning can recover my loss…the only one who can truly relate to what zeeshan and i had is sarah…cz she shared something similar with him
sarah jaannnuu..i need a hug!! *hugs*
whereever zeeshan is right now..i hope they treat him better than they treated him here…he deserves to be treated well…he was harmless and caring…the best kind of bad boy out there
*sighs* i should stop typing…i think ive stopped making sense
and my life is filled with zeeshan anecdotes..its a pity i wont have anymore
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